He has been known to some as a comedian, to others as an author of horror fiction. Some folks even know him as a pant-less, squealing werepig. Then there's those folks who know him as a hard working individual who tirelessly promotes up and coming authors and established ones alike, giving them all the royal treatment. Those few folks have been shipped off to the darkest regions of Romania. If you listen closely, their screams can be heard in the middle of the day, yet their pleas fall on the deaf ears of their keepers. At any rate, Greg Hall has become something of a cult idol among the horror faithful.
I sat down with Greg, minus the pants, since we were sitting at a coffee shop in the middle of a mall, and asked him the hard questions. Without further delay, Greg Hall, I have Nine Questions for you.
First things first, what exactly is a Funky Werepig?
There are some who say it's a state of mind. Others say a lifestyle choice. And four guys in Ohio think it's a dating service. But to those really in the know, it is a very real thing. When the moon is full over the barnyard, you can hear it. The grunts and harr-oinks of the changing — all to the back beat of George Clinton. By the time you see the pig snout and afro, it's too late. You've been whorrored.
Your novel, (At the End of) Church Street, is slated for release on May 1. Tell us a little bit about Church Street.
It's about a ‘family' of homeless street kids who live the vampire lifestyle. They've created this kind of Neverland paradise where there are no adults and they make the rules. So all the things we danced around with in our younger years — stretching the law, sex, drugs, even brutality — have no boundaries. The one thing they know they don't have is respect. Obviously vampires aren't real so they're the local joke.
Things go too far one night, and they do indeed attract the attention of someone who thinks they're real. Unfortunately that person is a vampire hunter. And that's when the real fun begins.
What was the inspiration for Church Street?
I wanted to do something left of center with the vampire genre, which I think has taken a lot of wrong turns in recent years. I wanted to make a grittier, more realistic story and most of all I wanted it to be original. So what could be better than a vampire novel with no vampires? I worked in Orlando at a haunted house attraction and there were these homeless goth kids who would always hang around. I thought their story and lifestyle would be a perfect backdrop to looking at vampires from a completely different angle.
I love our tagline. 'This is not your father's Nosferatu. This is not teen romance disguised as horror with prom date vampires. Welcome to a world you already know. Welcome to the world at the end of Church Street.'
Did you write Church Street with pants off or on?
I actually wrote it over the course of a few years so I'm sure somewhere along the line, pants were involved. But I'll deny it anyway.
I keep hearing about an incident involving a Bundt cake. Care to fill us in?
The Bundt Cake is a tall tale that has grown far larger than anyone could have imagined. In the short version, I was trying to get into the Shroud Party at Context a couple years back. To woo Tim Deal, Shroud's owner, I promised if he'd invite me I'd bring bundt cake. How hard could that be?
Well, it helps if you know what the hell bundt cake is. A couple of us went off into the wilds of Columbus, Ohio to find the damn thing and not one bakery knew what we were talking about. I got in a fight with a baker named Terry because I was trying to be polite and kept saying ‘sir'. Apparently very ugly women don't like being called ‘sir', which I didn't figure out until Terry was in full throw-down mode. My mistake.
Long story even longer, I would have given up if not for my dear friend, Mark Jackson. He kept pushing forward to the next store. Finally these nice ladies told us bundt cake isn't a particular type of cake but rather the pan it's baked in. With that mystery solved we arrived at the Shroud Party, bundt cake in hand, and were greatly celebrated for our bravery and our gift of delicious goodness.
Most folks know that you were a comedian at one time. Both writing and being a comedian are forms of entertainment. Can you tell us some of the differences and similarities between being a stand up comedian and a horror writer?
If you've ever bombed on stage in front of 1000 people, you know what true horror is. I give nothing but respect to anyone who has actually held mic in hand and stood out there spinning comedy for an audience that's basically saying ‘I paid $50 for this, you better make me laugh!'
Whereas with fiction writing, you get the comfort of being creative in private, then refining your words, then having an editor structure your work until it's all clean and polished before it goes before an audience. And even then, the worst you're going to get is some reviewer saying they didn't like your book. Much better than a huge crowd of booing, vegetable hurling, drunk patrons at a comedy club.
Now as far as similarities, I've always said that it's such an easy jump from comedy to horror. If you do them correctly, both force the audience into an involuntary response. Laughing and screaming are probably our two most primal reactions.
Pat Morita has a special place in your heart, doesn't he?
Dude, damn right. I got to be on a movie set with him. He bumped into me and when he spun around he said ‘Oh- you a big one!' Then he hugged me. Arnold from freaking Happy Days — Mr. Mijagi himself from the Karate Kid — hugged me!
How many people can brag about that? I still put it on my resume. Seriously.
Let's talk a little about your radio show, The Funky Werepig. What exactly is a Whorror?
Whorror is a wonderful verb. It combines our genre- ‘horror'- with giving it the exposure it deserves- ‘whore'. It's getting a project out there to the masses in an enjoyable fashion and who does that better than a whore? Some people use the word ‘pimp' to describe marketing their goods. But a pimp only stands back and collects the money. Very nasty and detached. Now a whore- you're giving love then. And doesn't the world need more of that?
The Funky Werepig, though it involves many folks from Choate Road, is really more about advertising for other writers and folks in the horror genre. And many people have been on your show from Kelli Owen Dunlap to Eric S. Brown to Joe Lansdale to Maurice Broaddus to Fran Friel (a personal favorite of mine) to Peter Straub. Those are some big names and I haven't even touched the tip of the iceberg yet. If I'm correct, you have Douglas Clegg as well. In each show you make it a point to really drive home the recent or upcoming publications and events involving the folks you interview. With all these great names, and with the quality of show that TFW is, I'm sure it takes a lot of work. How much work is involved in the behind the scenes, in the making of a TFW show that people just don't know about?
You know, I take a twisted pleasure whenever I read lists like that- ‘Big names like Joe Lansdale, Peter Straub and Eric S. Brown…' I almost want to reply ‘Then my work here is done.'
I could take the easy way out and say all I really do is show up with my Fresca, light my underwear scented candle and let it all fly. But the truth is while the show seems very conversational and ad libbed, it takes a ton of research to create that flow. I do my best to treat each guest like a superstar, or why bother to have them on? And that requires rolling up the sleeves and trying to get to know them as much as I can before the interview. You should be excited to talk to your guest. And with the people we're lucky enough to get on the show, I am.
I will give one secret fact you may enjoy. I never eat dinner before the show. I'm too nervous. And that's a good thing. When I reach the point where the nerves aren't jumping, I'm probably phoning it in. Then it's time to hand in my Werepig card.
Back to Church Street for just a second, you mentioned before that this is not your father's Nosferatu and it's not a romance in disguise. When you sat down to write Church Street did you intend to bring something new to the well-worn Vampire sub-genre? If so, what, in your opinion, sets Church Street apart from the stereoptypical vampire story?
Well, it distances itself from the classic vampire stories in that my ‘monsters' aren't undead blood suckers but rather young people living a goth lifestyle. And with that comes everything in our modern life and times.
As far as the trend of making vampires into boy band hunks aimed at a particular female demographic, Church Street is harsh reality. There's very little romantic giggly fantasy. These are street kids that have been abandoned and forgotten, forced to do whatever they have to to make it day to day. They just happen to bond together in a vampire society.
If it's one thing I hope the readers get, it would be while there is an intense mystery with the serial killer, and beheadings and graphic violence and naughty sex and drug usage and four letter-words, there is also a strong social commentary in Church Street. Each one of the characters has a back story of broken homes and abusive parents. And then they are considered gum on the bottom of society's shoe. Invisible people we don't care to see.
I guess that's the main thing that makes my vampire story different. At the core, mine is real.
Where can the readers purchase Church Street?
You can buy it directly from my publisher Belfire Press or I believe it'll be up on Amazon any day now. Which is nice because if you combine it with another book, it's free shipping. Then we can all whorror!
I know I have gone way over my normal NiNe, but I have one more question for you and I'll let you get back to the radio show. (Besides, I think those girls over there are looking at us awfully hard — you don't have holes in your underwear do you?) What is this about your obsession with Mary Lou Retton?
She is a goddess. The most beautiful woman in the world. Every night I dream of putting a vaulting horse at the foot of my bed and watching her do back-flips down my hallway until she hits it in true Olympic Gold style thus providing the ultimate dismount.
What? Like I'm alone on this?
Greg Hall, I thank you for your time, but I think we had best be leaving now. Grab your coffee, mall security is on their way…
Oh damn, let me pull up my pants first!
